you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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