I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
