News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
