I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
