tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
