so explain again why im purple
no
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
