i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
