So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
