So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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