No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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