Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
