You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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