I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
