i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
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They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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