You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
