Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
