Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
