im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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