Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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