So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
