On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
