Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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