i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
