garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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