Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
