yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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