Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
