Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
