barbara walters just said penis...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
