I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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