I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
