i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
