my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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