3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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