Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At least make sure they are 18
Why
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
