I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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