So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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