at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am one with the molecules
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
