God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
