We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
