why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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