I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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