Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
