Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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