as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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