Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
