it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
