i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
