since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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