they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
