things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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