My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
