You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
