just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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