seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
