wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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