So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
