I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
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