I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
