I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
