He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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