Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
40s are totally the cure
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
