How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
