YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
