hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
