im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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