Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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