Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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