just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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