I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
