normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
