those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's the barista slut.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
