I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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