she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
