I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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