I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
